A Letter to the Inner Critic

How to stop the self-sabotage in your writing life this week--and forever!

What’s new in my writing room: My latest novel, Last Bets, was selected in December for Kirkus Reviews' Top 100 Best Indie Books of the Year! Kirkus reviews thousands of indie books, and less than 1% receive a coveted starred review (which mine did). Of those, only 100 are selected across all genres for the “Best of” list. Kirkus is (to many) the Michelin Guide to industry book reviews. A star is like a Michelin three star award. A Best of is way beyond! I’m humbled, stunned, delighted. Grateful to all who helped me get here.

Photo by Dulcey Lima on Unsplash

Everyone faces the Inner Critic, no matter how experienced they are. Professional writers, even those who have published widely and won awards, even give it names. Sue Grafton calls hers "the ego," the part that's always concerned with "how are we doing?" Some Inner Critics are funny, joking with you inside your head about taking it all so seriously. Most are discouraging, even menacing.

But rarely is this inner voice truthful--its job is to sabotage our efforts to make art, to do our writing.

Some writers tame the voice with alcohol or drugs or other medicating behaviors. You've read about all those famous writers who couldn't write--or even function in their lives--otherwise. But it's not the only way.

Getting acquainted

Believe it or not, each of us has a negotiated contract with our Inner Critics. We aren't the victims of these voices.

We developed them on purpose, as a kind of gatekeeper to protect the most tender, creative parts of ourselves. If we grew up in an environment dangerous to creativity, the Inner Critic will be a real warrior by the time we're adults. The contract has been in place for so many years, it's hard to believe we have any control over it.

Most writers, when first becoming aware of the Inner Critic, choose to fight it instead of re-negotiating the contract. Common wisdom suggests that a fight makes sense--using any means we can. But in my experience that often turns into a never-ending battle.

Taking time away from our writing.

The way that's worked for me is this: Get to know your Critic and make it an ally, not an enemy.

Ally, not enemy

Get to know the signs of the Inner Critic's influence. For me, when I begin to think about how something will sound to others, versus how it sounds to me, the Inner Critic is getting agitated. It can be both strong and sneaky. And it can appear in different guises at different stages of the writing process.

For instance, when you explore and plan your book, the Inner Critic might tell you that you don’t have a good enough idea. It will rumble in the background, causing doubt that your ideas are serious enough or good enough.

If you get passed that, begin to write your book and form your islands or chapters, the Inner Critic can try to convince you that you need feedback from your best friend or partner--right now! Get encouragement, ask them if the draft is worth continuing. This, of course, is a not-so-subtle sabotage attempt, made real when your friend asks about missing commas, and you remember you are lousy at grammar so why bother writing at all?

It can sneak in as you revise, too. Maybe you're trying to gear up your book's inner story, its theme, or the pacing, those essential fine-tuning steps each book writer must implement. The Inner Critic will tell you to focus on marketing now instead--get that query letter written. Or it will even tell you to edit out the juicy parts because all your relatives will shun you when they read them.

It really rears its head as you try to sell your book. In full battle mode, the Inner Critic can keep you awake at night with nightmares about rejection letters and the award your writing friend just won--and how you don't have a chance.

So, first get to know it. Then you can begin to look past its irritating qualities into what it's really there to do--for you.

Inner Critic as gatekeeper

For most of my writing life, I fought the Inner Critic as an enemy. It was only when I was writing my second self-help/memoir that I realized the Inner Critic's benign efforts to protect me. I'll share this story, from my book Your Book Starts Here, to illustrate the gatekeeper aspect of this inner voice.

I was writing an essay about a business bankruptcy. It happened during the 1980s recession, and it was a terrible time in my life. Yet I knew I wanted to write about it, since I'd learned so much from the fires of that experience and I felt others might too.

As I wrote, the Inner Critic began flooding me with feelings of shame about the failure I still felt. I noticed I was writing more slowly, even reluctantly, as the voice inside my head got louder.

“Why bring up this all over again?” it argued. “Totally in the past, not helpful to anyone else. Let it be.”

I persisted, angry at its interference.

Suddenly I had to run to the bathroom. I was very ill, vomiting and dizzy.

As I lay on the bathroom floor, the cold tiles against my face, I wondered if this was the work of the Inner Critic. Had it escalated the sensation of shame so strongly, that it turned into a physical reaction?

After a while, I came back to my desk. I was shaken. How could I keep writing if I was going to make myself sick? I wanted to help others with my experience. How could I do this if I couldn’t get past my own Inner Critic?

I took a break. I located my writing notebook under the manuscript pages and began writing about being literally sick with shame.

As I wrote, I got the idea to start a “treaty” letter to this gatekeeper-as-Inner-Critic, thanking it for its help in keeping me safe all these years. I wrote about how I appreciated its role. I wrote how I understood why it brought caution to my writing life because it had my best interests at heart.

With each sentence, I felt a lessening of tension in my gut, a softening in my heart. No longer waged in battle, I was able to see my Inner Critic in a new way.

Then I re-negotiated my contract.

Renegotiating your contract

I asked the Critic to kindly to step aside, to let me write this story, explaining why I needed to write it and reassuring the Critic that this story didn’t have to get shared—ever. I just needed to get it on paper.

When the letter was finished, I closed my notebook and went back to my desk. The story flowed out better than I could’ve imagined and the Inner Critic was noticeably calmer the rest of that writing session.

I realized a truth here: my Inner Critic only wanted to protect me from the shame of fame. It didn’t want people looking at me in a different way because I told about a business failure many years before. By collaborating with this gate-keeping voice, instead of rejecting its help, I was able to proceed.

When I finally published this story, I got more reader response from it than any other I’d written to date. My intuition was right—people needed to hear about self-forgiveness for big mistakes.

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Your Weekly Writing Exercise

1. Describe your Inner Critic. What does it sound like? Can you picture it? Does it remind you of someone in your past?

2. Now ask the Inner Critic what it’s contributing to your life. Listen inside for anything that might come, even small things it does for you. How does it keep you safe? How does it keep you connected to others? How does it keep you responsible? How does it make you feel intelligent? How does it bring you respect of peers?

3. Finally, thank it for its help in these areas. If more comes to mind as you write, add your gratitude about those.

4. To close the exercise, write a request to the Inner Critic: ask it to step aside for a week. Re-negotiate your contract. Tell it you’ll be exploring a new avenue in your writing and you feel you need freedom. Ask for its help in letting you try it.

If you'd like, mark on your calendar to follow up in a week. After one week, spend five minutes freewriting about any changes you’ve noticed. Are there fewer blocks in your creative process? Is your writing any different? Do you experience less negative self-talk?

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Shout Out!

A hearty shout out to these writing friends and former students who are publishing their books! I encourage you to pre-order or order a copy to show your support of fellow writers and our writing community.

(If you are a former student and will publish soon (pre-orders of your book are available now), or have in the past two months, email mary[at]marycarrollmoore[dot]com to be included in a future Shout Out! I’ll keep your listing here for two months.)

Morgan Baylog Finn, The Gathering: Poems (Finishing Line Press), November release

Ed Orzechowski, Becoming Darlene: The Story of Belchertown Patient #4952 (Levellers Press), November release

Mary Beth Spray, Imprint: A Woman’s Journey from Trauma to Freedom (Beaver’s Pond Press), December release

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I’m a lifelong artist, and I love to inspire and support other creative folk, which is why I write this weekly newsletter. My goal with these posts is to help you strengthen your writing practice and creative life so it becomes more satisfying to you.

I’m also the author of 15 books in 3 genres. My third novel, Last Bets (Riverbed Press), was published in April, after becoming an Amazon bestseller during pre-orders. My second novel, A Woman’s Guide to Search & Rescue (Riverbed Press), was published in October 2023 also and became an Amazon bestseller and Hot New Release from pre-orders. For twelve years, I worked as a full-time food journalist, most notably through my weekly column for the Los Angeles Times syndicate. My writing-craft book, Your Book Starts Here, won the New Hampshire Literary Awards “People’s Choice” in 2011 and my first novel, Qualities of Light, was nominated for PEN/Faulkner and Lambda Literary awards in 2009. I’ve written Your Weekly Writing Exercise every Friday since 2008.